Winning Cycles

Wanting more ease in your relationship, or just feeling like there’s more conflict and fewer good feelings than you’d like? Consider the “Winning Cycles” approach, presented here by two Lafayette Morehouse teachers. They explain why there are always “two ways to win, and one way to lose” — and how you can both start winning more often.

This week on The Living Experiment, we bring you the fourth and final episode in our pilot series featuring teachers from Lafayette Morehouse.

For the background on this series, check out the introduction to Lafayette Morehouse Episode 1, on “Resistance to Pleasure.”

In this episode, Pilar talks to teachers Boris Shekeloff and Sugar Goens-Baranco about a concept they call “Winning Cycles” — a friendly, productive way of asking for what you want, and of creating a positive experience for the other person in the process.

A lot of the Morehouse philosophy focuses on creating and sustaining satisfying, mutually pleasurable relationships with others, and particularly in intimate relationships. Here, Sugar and Boris explain how Winning Cycles work, and why they can be a valuable tool for achieving that goal.

All the episodes in this special series were recorded live on location at the Lafayette Morehouse campus, in Lafayette, California. You can find out more about the place, and the courses offered there, at the main Lafayette Morehouse site and in the related episodes listed in the resources section, below.

“Winning Cycles” Episode Highlights

  • “Two ways to win, one way to lose” — getting good with things the way they are, changing the circumstances to better meet your liking, or … doing nothing and suffering the consequences
  • Why it’s easier to make changes when you accept a situation and find some good with the way it is — while also seeing the opportunity to make it better — rather than starting from the notion that it’s all bad or wrong
  • The training cycle for interpersonal relationships: Start with a genuine statement of approval; request one small, easy change; and gratefully acknowledge movement in the right direction
  • How that differs dramatically both from typical modes of complaint and disapproval, and from the manipulative, disingenuous “compliment sandwich”
  • How to identify when you’re choosing to lose, the importance of appreciation, and small steps for moving towards winning

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