In an era where face-to-face interaction is limited, and where swiping and clicking abound, are we losing the skills and instincts required real-life flirting, mingling, and romantic relating? Here, we talk about dating’s current constraints and commoditizing conventions, and how we can begin to turn things around. From knowing what you want, to allowing for delightful surprises, we make a case for moving beyond algorithms and apps and toward your heart’s desire.

This week on The Living Experiment, we’re talking about Dating — its modern trials and tribulations, and the options we have for reclaiming it from the limiting realms of texting, swiping, and scrolling.

In an era where face-to-face interaction is limited, and where an entire generation has lost track of real-life flirting, mingling, and conversation, many are bemoaning what they see as the sad state of dating, even as they are feeling constrained by its commoditizing conventions.

So here, we make a case for challenging the superficial status quo, and for making romantic connections that respect the depth and humanity of all parties.

We also offer you some experiments to help you experience more fun and satisfaction within your own dating world.  

“Dating” Episode Highlights

  • The lost art of dating in the age of technology
  • Pilar recalls (with some nostalgia) the reality of dating in decades past — the bygone process of getting to know someone, the experience of building real-life familiarity, romantic interest, and intimacy
  • The value of defining your dating end-goal and aligning your strategies and behaviors to match
  • Moving beyond acceleration and efficiency in a culture that seems to prioritize them
  • Pilar and Dallas explore societal pressures on women and men, presentation of self and how these impact the building of a dating relationship
  • The anti-hack approach to dating, and the opportunity to connected more pleasurably with people
  • The best dating advice Pilar got from her therapist back in her 20s: “Be the person you want to find”
  • The essential role of authenticity in intimacy — being willing to show up as you really are and attracting those most likely to connect with you in real life

Think about the kind of person you want to date or eventually have as a partner. Consider who you would have to be in order to be in a satisfying relationship with that ideal partner. Examine the extent to which you are actually showing up as that person — then consider how you might want to adjust accordingly.

Build a collage or vision board that helps capture the values and characteristics (not just the physical appearance or attributes) of your ideal partner, including how you want to feel in the relationship. For each image you select, clearly articulate what it is about each picture that speaks to you. Be as specific as possible about your hopes and desires and examine the language you use in these real or imagined “captions.”

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