This week on The Living Experiment, we’re talking about Apologizing — the reasons it’s worth doing, and the art of doing it well.
We explore the value that a good apology can have in healing conflict and shame, and the reasons our well-intended apologies sometimes don’t go as well as we’d like.
We talk about the characteristics of good and not-so-good apologies, about private apologies and public ones.
Finally, we offer you some experiments to help you evolve your own apologetic skills and sensitivities in ways that work for you.
“Apologizing” Episode Highlights
The context of the “Me Too” movement, and our world’s many other overdue apologies
- The inflammatory stress caused by strained relationships and unresolved conflicts
How superfluous and disingenuous apologizing can undermine the value of substantive apologies
- Dallas reflects on the fact that women tend to apologize more than men
- Features of a good apology
The healing opportunity an apology provides for the giver and the receiver
Pilar shares the most meaningful apologies she’s received and why they mattered
The nature of transactional vs. heartfelt apologies
When apologies need to come with reparations
- The danger of using an apology to force closure
- The question of justice vs. retribution vs. support for healing
- Being willing to hear the other person’s experience, and how apologies can bring up stored feelings
The value of public vs. private apologies (Pilar shares an experience)
The feeling of “being owed” an apology, and what to do with that feeling
Healthy-Living Wisdom, Delivered to Your Door
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- “A Good Apology Is Hard to Find” via Psychology Today
- A 2010 study showing that women apologize more than men
- “How to Apologize” via MindTools.com
- “The Right (and Wrong) Way to Apologize” via CNN
- “Forgiveness” via The Living Experiment
- “Making Amends” via Experience Life Magazine
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